Wednesday, March 21, 2012

taking a toll on me...

Stress is taking a huge toll on me. Stress, just plain stress. From every point it could possibly come from, it's coming at me. I can physically feel it in my body. As hard as I try to let it just roll off my back I feel like my brain is wired to continue to stress. I am fighting with myself daily trying to make the right decisions for my family. My heart and mind are fighting, my heart tells me one thing- and my mind another. 

I find most days while as I'm putting Little Man's dinner on the table that I have not ate at all that day. I just forget to do it. 

I hear people say, don't worry about tomorrow focus on today. Why can't I do this? These are words I TRY to live by. I don't want to constantly worry. But how can I not?

I want to go on vacation so badly with my family- to just get away for a couple of days. Have no worries. But the reality is that it's not going to happen. Then I feel guilty for being upset that we can't get away for a few days. People are struggling just to live and I am upset about not being able to take a vacation. Back to the stress. Am I not a good person? 

It's getting harder to enjoy the moment. Because I'm focusing on the next. This is not how I want to be. This is NOT how I want my son to grow up. 

Just had to get that out. 


  1. You are are best wife and mother. I wish I could take all of your stress away. Everything has its way of working out, and we have great friends and family that have our backs. Our son will grow up happy and hopefully won't make some of the same dumb mistakes that we did. We just have to stay strong and hold our heads up high. I love you and our son very much.

    1. Sounds like you and Jimmy (Grandma will watch your 2-year old!) need a get-away with Steph and Janis. Louise